Fanon:Survivre avec les loups

Anoki Moon learns that sometimes a promise can be the most dangerous weapon of all.

Chapter 1
''Mean Man, were you ever lonely? Were you ever scared?''

It is night. Anoki Moon sits at table in Hogan's, reading a book and drinking coffee after a meal. He wears a red plaid shirt with the cuffs rolled up. Outside, it’s pouring and several city pedestrians – a punk rocker, a bag lady and a kid with a backwards baseball hat – are caught in the storm.

''Me, I’m scared all the time. Lonely all the time. Or maybe just alone.''

From behind the counter, Lucy Braddock, a young, blond-haired waitress, watches him intently, holding a pot of hot coffee. In front of her, at the counter, sits a middle-aged man in a gray business suit. The man asks if he can get a refill, trying to get Lucy’s attention. Decaf, right? Lucy asks. The man answers affirmatively, as Lucy pours him a fresh cup. As she pours with her right hand, she rests her left on the counter. Before she can take it away, the man puts his hand over hers. He’s wearing a wedding band. So. . . when does she get off work? he wonders aloud.

It makes you desperate.

Some time later, Lucy sits curled up on a bed, resting her arms on her knees. The room, presumably her apartment, is sparsely furnished and decorated plainly. A small lamp sheds light from a table in front of window near the bed. Putting his coat on as he walks toward the door, the middle-aged man from the diner tells Lucy that he wishes he could say it’s been a pleasure. . . but, she’s not even worth the lie. As he nears the door, he tosses two twenty-dollar bills over his shoulder, advising her not to spend it all in one place.

''You know why I love the rain, Mean Man? It’s like in that movie, they talk about it, how it makes everything clean. That’s why I love the rain. Can’t remember the last time I felt clean.''

Rushing after him, wearing only an undershirt and panties, Lucy scoops up the two bills in one fist and, reaching the hallway, throws them in the man’s direction. Hey, she yells, him and his money can both got to @$#&! The man continues down the stairs without responding to her outburst.

''It’s not just me. It’s the whole world that’s been used and trashed and beaten down. It’s a mean world, Mean Man, and that’s the truth. Full of mean people with mean hearts who do mean things.''

Lucy snatches the bills out of the air with the same fist with which she’d thrown them. She notices that the door across the hall has been opened a crack and a naked foot is visible there in the opening. The body it belongs to is shrouded in the darkness of the room beyond. This prompts another outburst from Lucy: What? Huh? Does her neighbor have something to say? Is that it? Are they hoping for an eyeful, too? That it? In response, the door closes. With a sad expression on her face, Lucy returns to her apartment.

''A mean, mean world. So maybe you have to be mean just to survive. And that’s the name of the game isn’t it?''

Back at Hogan's, it is now day. As before, Anoki sits reading over a finished meal. Lucy sets his bill on the table as she refills his coffee. She tells him to pay it when he’s ready. Anoki turns a page and continues reading without acknowledging her presence. Put off by his rudeness, Lucy mutters whatever as she walks away. Moments later, Logan puts on his jacket and walks out. Lucy watches him go.

''You never asked my story, Mean Man. I thought it was because you didn’t care. But that’s not right, is it? It’s not because you didn’t care. . . it’s because you thought you already knew it. Hell, maybe you did know it, maybe all this is, it’s just. . . maybe it’s just a waste of time. Maybe I’m, like, totally wrong, and you are what you seemed at first.''

As Anoki passes in front of the windows lining the front of the diner, Lucy clears the table he had just been sitting at. Lifting up the bill, she finds that he left her a twenty-dollar bill to pay for a meal costing eight and some change. She looks off in his direction in surprise.

''But I don’t think so, Mean Man. See, I think I figured you out. Maybe it’s only the meanest of them all who can afford to give a damn.''

It is night again. Lucy sits at the table next to her bed, writing by the light of the small lamp. She’s wearing a white T-shirt with the phrase “The Geek Group” on it. She hears something in the hallway, gets up and crosses over to the door. She first listens through the door by pressing her ear to it, then unlocks the dead bolt and opens it with the chain attached.

''I don’t know when they’re coming. I don’t know what they’ll do when they get here. I just know that they will, and that when it happens, it’ll be bad for me. Maybe they’ll just come and take me back, say that it’s time to come home. Like that place ever was my home. If that’s what they want, I won’t go. I won’t go back there. They’ll have to kill me first. Is that something else you know about? Killing?''

Across the hallway, Anoki is unlocking the door to his apartment with his right hand. His left hand is gripping the hilt of a large knife stuck in his leg above the knee. Blood stains his jeans around the wound. Having unlocked and pushed the door open, Anoki turns to Lucy, and with a grimace, asks her if she’s got something to say? His face is dripping sweat. There’s a blood handprint on the wall nearby and more blood on the carpet below him. Or maybe she’s just – nhh! – hoping for an eyeful? he asks, echoing Lucy’s earlier question of him. As he speaks, he pulls the knife out of his leg, prompting Lucy to raise a hand to her mouth in shock. They exchange a look, then Anoki goes into his apartment, telling Lucy to go to sleep, calling her “kid.” He shuts the door, leaving a bloody mess on the floor outside. Lucy does likewise, leaning against the closed door with a dismayed look upon her face.

It is raining again outside Hogan's Diner. The sky is dark; it is early morning. Anoki sits reading – this time Thoreau’s Walden – over a finished meal. Lucy watches him from afar, as another waitress fills his cup.

''Now I’ve seen tough and I’ve seen pain. And I know I’m not tough, because I’ve been in pain. I also know what I saw that night, and when I saw you the next morning, Mean Man, you didn’t have a scratch on you. Not a scratch. That’s how I knew you were my guy.''

Walking out, Anoki passes Lucy standing behind the cash register ringing up a customer’s bill. She watches him pass, but he does not acknowledge her. He carries a book, but it is not Walden. This one is titled Cats Cradle. Lucy watches Anoki exit. A moment later, the other waitress – a middle-aged black woman – appears holding Logan’s copy of Walden. Idiot left behind his book, she tells Lucy, who volunteers to take it. The woman offers no protest: long as Lucy doesn’t take her tips, she could care less.

Maybe you knew it, too. In a mean world, you’ve got to portion out caring, right? You have to pick your battles. Decide who’s worth the effort. The measure can be arbitrary, it doesn’t matter. . . as long as the measure is yours, right? Why do we need to make up some excuse just to say hello? Are we so scared we can’t even just be, you know, people? We have to justify it, lie about it? Is that all you were doing? Giving me the excuse? Letting me make the first move?

Standing in the doorway of her apartment, Logan’s book in hand, Lucy watches her mysterious neighbor come down the hallway, a newspaper tucked under his arm. He notices her standing there, but ignores her. Lucy takes a few steps out into the hallway, but Logan enters his apartment without saying a word to her, shutting the door behind him.

''Did you know how terrifying it was for me to even try? And you weren’t going to make it easy, were you?''

Inside his apartment, Anoki turns his head, hearing a knock upon the door behind him. When he opens it, Lucy is standing there with his book. Anoki acknowledges her curtly, turns and walks into his apartment, leaving the door open. Taken back, Lucy mutters that she brought his. . . he forgot his. . . she’s got his book. Can she. . . may she come in? Anoki says he won’t stop her.

Closing the door behind her, Lucy stops to take in Anoki’s apartment. The design is the same as hers, but the room is almost bare, save for a sheet and pillow on the floor, surrounded by books. The only light comes from a desk lamp set upon the floor next to the blanket. Anoki’s been working on a six-pack. Indicating a fresh bottle in his hand, Anoki explains that he’d offer Lucy one, but something tells him she’s a minor. He has sat down on the blanket, leaning against the wall. Walking forward, Lucy declines anyhow, even though a real offer was never made. She’s wearing a green T-shirt with a three-eyed smiley face on it. As she hands him the copy of Walden, Anoki asks her what her name is, calling her “kid.” Lucy protests: she’s not a kid.

Anoki pauses, taking a swig of his beer. Finally, he asks again, this time calling her neighbor. Lucy tells him her name, then tells him she already knows his. Yeah? Anoki asks. Well, kinda. She gave him a name. Is she gonna share it? Anoki wonders aloud. Mean Man, Lucy tells him. Seems kinda judgmental, Anoki observes. Guess it does, kinda, Lucy agrees. Not that he’s mean, though maybe he is, she doesn’t know.

Nice place, she says, looking around. It’s, Anoki responds. Lucy indicates the books scattered about, asking if he’s read all of them. He’s working through them. Lucy guesses that he likes to read. Anoki observes that she’s made a safe guess. Lucy points out that he has a different book everyday when she sees him at the diner. Anoki tells her that he reads fast. Having picked it up off the floor, Lucy is holding a book of Edgar Allan Poe stories when she asks him if that’s all he does? Just read? She means, all day, he just reads? With narrow eyes, Anoki tells her that he does other things. Like get stabbed? Lucy asks. Sometimes, Anoki tells her.

Lucy moves the Poe book behind her back, holding it with both hands. She wants to know who stabbed him. Does it matter? Anoki asks. It does, yeah, it really does, Lucy responds. Crouching down to meet him at eye level, Lucy explains: if he gets stabbed doing a mean thing to a not-mean guy, that kinda blows. But, if he’s doing a mean thing to a mean guy, that’s cooler. Anoki grabs another beer and takes the cap off with his teeth. He wants to know what makes her think a Mean Man would care about the difference? Holding the Poe book and picking up another, Lucy explains that Mean Man reads a lot. That’s got to count for something, right? Smiling slightly, Anoki asks Lucy if she likes to read. She used to. Now she just writes. Writing’s good, Anoki affirms. No writing, nothing for him to read. Lucy tells him that she’d let him read her thing, if he could find it. She keeps it hidden.

Standing up, Lucy asks if she can borrow the books she’s holding. Sure, Logan replies, taking a swig of beer. Lucy tells him that he can have them back when she’s done. She then heads for the door: she’s gotta go. Anoki follows, asking her if she’s got another date? That wasn’t a date, she assures him. He knows it wasn’t. Stopping and looking him in the eyes, Lucy asks him if he’s gonna look out for her? Can she count on him? Sure, Anoki says and wishes her good night.

Back in her apartment, Lucy sits down at the table by the window. She opens the Poe collection to the middle and proceeds to cut into the pages with an Exacto knife, creating a compartment within the book. Into this space, she places her journal. That finished, she picks up both of Anoki’s books and walks them over to her small bookshelf where she places them amongst her own.

''I believe you, Mean Man, and you have no idea what that means to me, do you? It’s like I can sleep tonight, you know? Really sleep, really rest, and not worry anymore. You’re across the hall from me, and now you know me, and they can stab you in the leg, hell, that won’t stop you. It makes me feel safe.''

''Did you get it, Mean Man? Was I clear enough? When they’ve come for me, will you do what I need? See, I can’t give you everything, because I can’t be sure you’ll be the one to get it. A lot of it, you’re just gonna have to figure out on your own, and if I could, I would make it easier. But I can’t. Thing of it is, I’m sure you won’t need much.''

Passing the window, Lucy looks out to see two dark figures approaching the apartment building in the rain. The two dark figures enter the apartment building. They are in their twenties, dressed in heavy jackets and wool caps. One has a goatee. They head for the staircase, passing walls strewn with graffiti and an old man passed out on the floor with a bottle in his hand. Climbing the stairs, they reach into their jackets with their right hands. They pause outside the door to Lucy’s apartment, holding machineguns.

''Remember that, Mean Man. Because there will be others who come along, say they want to help, say they want the same thing. When they tell you that, they’re telling you a lie, but not because they want to. It’s because they don’t know. See, there are others, Mean Man. I’m just the one that got away.''

The man with the goatee turns and stands watch, while the other opens fire on the door’s lock. He kicks the door open firing. Coming behind! the other warns, as Logan’s door opens. Do him! Lucy’s killer commands, the cruel smile on his face indicating that he has completed his own task. The one with goatee laughs, yelling get some, get some, as he fires excessively at Anoki. Thinking him dead, the two men rush away, one of them yelling go, go, go! Bullet casings, bullet holes, and blood litter the hallway.

''But you never really get away, do you? So when my brothers come to get me, I’m counting on you to make it right. And I’m sorry, I should just say that now. I’m sorry to put this on you. You didn’t ask for my burdens.''

Rising up from the floor, Anoki stumbles across the hallway wearing only a pair of bloody pants. He leaves a trail of blood behind him as he crosses over to Lucy’s apartment, the door of which still hangs open. Her bloody hand, dangling over the side of the bed reveals her fate. Anoki looks for a moment, and then stumbles back across to his own apartment, just moments before two police offices arrive.

''Hell, you’ve already got burdens of you own. You don’t need mine. But what else was I supposed to do, huh? Nobody ever believed me when I told them the truth. What else was I supposed to do? I tried and tried. They didn’t listen. They didn’t care. Everyone always wants proof. When it comes to it, though, the only proof they’ll take is my body in a bag. And then it’s too late, isn’t it?''

The next morning, a police van sits outside of the apartment building. Inside, a two suited officials depart, Anoki crosses the hallway and breaks through the POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS tape blocking the door to Lucy’s apartment. He’s wearing the same bloody blue jeans, but the bullet wounds dotting his arms and torso have already begun to heal. Using his enhanced senses, he finds the collection of Poe stories on Lucy’s book shelf.

''That’s the way it goes. Just another runaway murdered, that’s all they’ll see. They’ll blame it on drugs, or sex, or both, or maybe neither. They’ll make what happened to me mundane, Mean Man. They’ll make it forgettable. That’s what scares me the most. Even if you do nothing more, please, do this for me.''

At Hogan's, Anoki sits with several books. The one in front of him is the collection of Edgar Allan Poe stories. He takes out Lucy’s journal and begins to read it, a grim look upon his face.

''My name is Lucy Braddock. Don’t forget me. ''

Chapter 2
Anoki stands naked in front of the mirror, his body still riddled with bullets but no longer bleeding. His healing factor has knitted his flesh over the bullet holes; it’s now simply a matter of removing them. Squeezing his flesh so the bullet stands next to the surface, he pops a claw and slices the flesh, resulting in a few drops of blood and a deformed bullet, which he takes a good look at. He wanders back into his sparse hotel room and puts on some clothes before picking up Lucy Braddock’s journal and heads to the local ammo store, called ‘My Cold Dead Hand.’ Inside, there are racks of guns, clothing and accessories and a couple of hunting trip mementos on the wall. A stocky bearded guy talks to Blaine, the shop manager, relating the events that took Lucy’s life. His argument appears to be that people complain that there are too many guns around, but if she’d been carrying one then she would have been able to defend herself.

Anoki approaches the counter and the big guy asks if he has a problem. “Just you,” replies Anoki. The man stands tall and asks if he wants to do something about it but Anoki replies that he doesn’t need to; Darwin’s on his side. He wanders into the back of the shop and tells Blaine he needs to talk. He helps himself to a beer from the fridge and asks Blaine if he wants one as he tosses the bullet to him. It’s too early for Blaine, who, judging by the posters on the wall behind him, is a military vet and may have been in the Special Forces. Anoki asks him what he makes of the bullet and Blaine tells him that it’s a forty-five, soft nosed and that it has been on the inside of someone too from the look of it. Anoki says it has, him, and it came out of a Match 10 with a lot of its little brothers. Blaine says that he assumes someone’s sorry they did that and Anoki grins; “Not yet, soon.”

He checks out the pictures on the wall and says that they got lucky, twice. They hit him through a door, tearing up his lungs pretty good. By the time he got up, they were gone and he never even got a look at them. He stares at a photograph of a group of army buddies, one of them presumably being Blaine. Blaine flicks the bullet back to him asking how he knows it came from a Match 10. Anoki catches it and tells Blaine that you get shot enough; you learn to tell the difference. He asks if he has ever heard of some guys who call themselves ‘The Brothers.’ Blaine leans against the wall, admitting that he hears about lots of guys calling themselves brothers, brotherhood, all that. There are Brothers of Ilamas and Brothers of Revolution, Brothers of Juice, and the list goes on and on. He adds that if you hit the high desert between there and Oasis Springs, hell, up to Sunset Valley then you get more militias and survivalists than you can count.

Anoki sits and says that he’s looking for brothers with modified Match 10’s. Blaine replies that it’s an easy conversion. Anoki points out that it’s easy for them maybe, but he’s thinking that these guys used a kit, maybe lots of kits. Blaine angrily protests his innocence, claiming that he doesn’t sell those but Anoki knows that, asking who does. Blaine calms down and tells him to check the shows; there’s always someone got a table with kits. Anoki wants someone looking for volume sales and Blaine offers him a name: Tom Leeds, who has a shop in Melford. He does shows all over the state and there’s a show in Klamath that weekend. Anoki says that he may be back and he may need gear. As he leaves, Blaine says anytime.

In Appaloosa Plains, a woman looks out of the window at Smithy’s Motel toward the building hosting the gun show. She wears combat trousers, boots and a black vest and has her blonde hair tied back. She empties everything from her holdall onto her bed, flak jacket, walkie-talkies, hairbrush and pistol included. She shoves a clip into the handle and puts on a T-shirt with ‘If you run, you’ll only die tired,’ written on the reverse. This covers the slimline flak jacket. There’s a knock at her room door and her boss, Tommy, shouts through that the hall’s gonna open soon and they have to get going. She opens the door and asks him how she looks. “Good enough to eat,” he replies. He holds her around the waist, telling her he loves a girl with a gun but she manages to shrug him away politely by telling him to remember that they have sales to make.

At the gun show, a large crowd shuffles from stall to stall packed with weapons, ammo and parts. The place is bustling with an assortment of shady looking characters. There are plenty of places to choose from; Rebel Shotguns, KM Parts, Lucky 7. Tommy and Cassie have their own stall selling firearms and she offers a guy a $50 ‘cutie discount’ as he’s buying a gun for his young son, ready for a hunting trip. She asks for his license in order to run a check and gets on the phone. Anoki, dressed in his familiar leather jacket approaches the stall and checks out the valuables. Tommy leans over and says that he sees a man who doesn’t see what he wants, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have it. Anoki looks mean, putting on an act, though it’s not like he needs to. He tells Tommy that he’s looking for a couple of RR-15’s for him and his friends. Tommy tells him that it’s a good weapon, the civilian version of the L16. Anoki knows.

Tommy asks if Anoki served and he replies that he did his time as he handles a pistol. He says that he’d want parts for them too, that’s the thing, and ammunition. Tommy asks how much they’re talking and Anoki replies, “Ten thousand rounds, to start.” Tommy says that he can hook him up. He can cover the replacement modification and even has some stuff in his private collection if that is of interest. Anoki replies that it is. Later, with the deal in the bag, Anoki heads off as Tommy counts the cash. Cassie asks if he’s doing good today and he tells her that he’s doing great, having just sold the USP from his private collection to Anoki. Cassie thought she heard him say he wanted RR-15’s and puts her arms around Tommy’s neck, but he tells her that’s what he said, but that’s not what he wants. He wants L16’s and the rounds to go with them. He is going to meet him at the bar later that evening to talk about it; it could be a profitable weekend. Cassie returns to serving duties.

Later that evening, at a bar called Suds, Anoki leaves his bike parked outside and gets a drink from the bar before spotting Cassie seated in a booth, alone. He walks over and sits himself down across from her, telling her that he was supposed to meet her boy. Cassie replies that he’ll be along and holds out her hand, introducing herself. Anoki doesn’t even fix her a glance, simply grunting as he scopes the bar. Cassie leans over. “Friendly sort, aren’t you?” she says. He tells her that they aren’t friends. Tommy approaches carrying two bottles of beer and sees that they’ve already met. Anoki stands up and tells Tommy that he kept him waiting. Tommy seats himself next to Cassie. He had to make a couple of calls, it’s nothing.

Anoki informs him that he doesn’t like dealing with people who break their word. Tommy says he didn’t, here he is and he knows how to be discreet. He points to Anoki, telling him that he can be subtle, something Logan isn’t, standing there and posturing. He asks him if he wants to talk or does he want to nurse his wounded pride. Anoki gives him an impetuous look. He’s acting a role, but is trying to get a handle on Tommy’s character.

He leans over and asks Tommy about the RR-15’s and how many he can get him. “With kits?” Tommy replies, “How many are you looking for?” Anoki asks for ten. Tommy looks downward as the order looks like being a challenge. Anoki begins to stand, telling Tommy that he’s wasting his time. He quickly tries to calm Anoki down, saying that it’s a challenge, but not impossible. Guns and kits take two weeks but that’s too long for Anoki. Tommy then says that they should stop playing games then. If he has the cash, he’ll get him what he really wants; L16’s, no conversion needed. Anoki asks how and Tommy replies that he has a connection. He can get them to him by Tuesday if he gets him the money. Anoki takes a swig of juice and deliberates over the exchange.

He asks how much and Tommy replies that they’ll be fifteen large. That’s too much for Anoki but Tommy asks him to think about what he’s getting. The guns need no conversion and take military magazines. He’s talking thirty-rounders, not those post-ban fifteen-rounders. It’s a good price, he adds. Anoki says that he’ll want to check them out. Tommy wants a down payment. He tells Anoki to be at his place tomorrow and to being ten percent; he’ll have a sample for him then. He pushes his calling card across the table. Anoki also mentions that he’s interested in Match 10’s too, same conversion of course. Tommy tells him that he should have hit him a couple months ago as he got cleaned out in December. Anoki scowls as he walks away, telling Tommy he’ll see him tomorrow.

That night, Cassie and Tommy head back to their respective motel rooms. He tries to persuade her to join him, pointing out that he has a king-sized bed in his room but Cassie reminds him that she has to drive tomorrow. “Later, okay,” she tells him. He says that she always has an excuse but she smiles and replies that she has, and it keeps him coming back for more. She gives him a peck on the lips before entering her room, telling him to sleep well. “Tease,” he mutters to himself before using his key card to open his room door, “Always an excuse.” A man needs more than a peck goodnight but it’s all he ever gets from her. He wanders into the darkness of his room and tries to remember where the light switch is.

Suddenly, Anoki’s hand grabs him by the throat and he tells him to be quiet. He shoves the USP into Tommy’s face and says, “Recognize this? You sold it to me today from your private collection. Private sale, you don’t even have to run a background check.” He smiles at Tommy, then thrusts Tommy against the wall and Tommy asks what he did to him. Anoki says that he’s gonna tell him who he sold those Match 10’s to. Tommy insists he doesn’t remember. Anoki asks him to try harder, pushing the gun even harder into the base of his septum. Again Tommy insists he doesn’t know. Anoki knows he’s lying and asks him to lie some more; give him a good reason to really hurt him. Tommy finally confesses that he sold the guns to a guy named Terril, Dennis Terril out in Westfall.

Anoki releases his grasp and says that it wasn’t so hard, was it? Recovering slightly, Tommy grabs his own pistol and aims it at Anoki who still has his back turned. “No! You don’t just walk away!” he cries. He pops a the claws and slices the USP in two, dropping it at Tommy’s feet. As he looks in astonishment, Anoki departs and begins to ride off on his bike. As he leaves the motel, he smells a familiar scent and, without even looking behind him, he knows it’s Cassie. He tells her not to do it. As he vanishes into the distance, she uses her walkie-talkie. “It’s Lathrop. We’ve got a problem.”