User:Ego sum Tacita esse dux captus

Usernames for things I do
Xbox live gt- BritishxWarlord

Tumblr- lonebritishlad

Instagram- therenatus94

Skype-  ego_the_renatus

My Bio
Hello. My name is on my profile. I HATE these wierd intro things.... So I'll keep it brief. I was born on Feb. 4 1994. I'm a fun easy going guy, it takes alot to unsettle me or completely destroy me. I am probably one of the nicest guys to ever walk the earth, I may be a little rough around the edges but I'm a nice guy. If your lucky enough to be close enough to me you'll get to see my great side. I'm Diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)

''"You go through your school years making friends and having fun, but when you get out of high school... How many people are you still friends with when you started school? Not many... Because people change, for better or for worse they change... And when they do, "f**** you, you arent the type of person i want to be seen hanging out with" or "youre too weird for me to be friends with" or some bulls*** like that... I lost all my friends i had when i got to high school... Everyone changed and i was the same guy, quiet and nice... So people blew me off because i wasnt like then, just because i was different i lost my friends and had to make some again, which id way harder than it seems in high school.... I just wanted friends in high school, i wanted friends that understood me that were true not liars not fakers and not a**holes... People are gunna read this and be "oh i was your friend" really? Name one time YOU started a conversation with me in school... I was always willing to talk to people but in hIgh school people are judgmental pieces of sh**... I say that because its true and im not calling myself any better. To everyone i went to school with, thanks for ignoring me through out my school life... You really made me feel welcome..." ''

My Life

What I’m about to tell you is a very sad story. Ok, this story will start about a week before January 31, 2012. I was taken to a doctor because I wasn’t feeling right, well the doctor figured out that I was suffering from depression, he prescribed me anti-depressants. I was taking the meds every day in the morning, my parents noticed that after a few days of taking the meds that I seemed happier, but I was hiding a terrible secret from them. After the third day I was taking my meds, I was on a social network site and I got into a very bad fight with someone from my school, over a stupid comment. Well after a few minutes he threatened to beat me up and his friends made fun of me and called me names. I decided to get off so I didn’t do anything I would regret. When I walked down to my room, what they said to me, about me and threatened to do to me, was working its way around my head. I sat on my bed and thought really hard about it, and after a few minutes of thinking I decided that I was going to kill myself, I came up with the plan. I will tell you what I did during my planning, but if you can’t handle it don’t read it. Every night after the bad night, I would sit in my bed and cut my writs with my knives, drawing blood every time. January 30, 2012: I told someone on a social network chat what I have been doing, they told me to instead of cutting to pray to god and ask him to help me find the right the courage to tell someone in real life, someone I see regularly. So the next day, 1-31-12, I went to my principles office and told him what I was contemplating, he talked to me for a few minutes then he took me to guidance to talk to a counselor for a few more minutes, after that they took me to someone and I talked to them about why I felt like this, how I got to feel like this and what was going to happen. The person drove me home after a few hours and he talked to my parents and me and suggested that I go to a hospital immediately; I was taken to the hospital and stayed there for 8 hours, under suicide watch. After the eight hours I was then taken to a suicide treatment center, a place which I stayed three days, I got out two days before my birthday. I’ve been on the straight and narrow ever since I left the treatment center, well I did slip up once but I quickly ended that. After being out I found new courage in myself and I admitted to my parents that I was bisexual, they accepted the idea and they said “We still love you no matter what.”, which made me very happy. With this new found courage I have found out that there is more to life than being sad all the time, there’s happiness and enjoyment in life, that’s what I wasn’t seeing, but now I see it more clearly.

This has been a life story From the guy that has been through a lot, Bradley Theodore Herrell ╔══╗ ╚╗╔╝ ╔╝(¯`v´¯) ╚══`.¸.JESUS for saving me!

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Egos Favorite music

 * 1) Structures
 * 2) A Day to Remember
 * 3) Of Mice & Men
 * 4) Black Veil Brides
 * 5) Asking Alexandria
 * 6) Suicide Silence
 * 7) Hatebreed
 * 8) Shinedown
 * 9) Pierce The Veil
 * 10) Panic At The Disco!
 * 11) Bring Me The Horizon
 * 12) Attila
 * 13) Blood On The Dance Floor
 * 14) Dope
 * 15) Falling in Reverse
 * 16) Five Finger Death Punch
 * 17) God Smack
 * 18) Quiet Riot
 * 19) Limp Bizkit
 * 20) Linkin Park
 * 21) Miss May I
 * 22) Redlight King
 * 23) Saliva
 * 24) Skrillex
 * 25) Sleeping With Sirens
 * 26) Slipknot
 * 27) Theory of A Deadman
 * 28) Three Days Grace
 * 29) Volbeat
 * 30) We Came As Romans
 * 31) Chimaira
 * 32) Nickleback
 * 33) Johnny Cash
 * 34) Disturbed
 * 35) Rob Zombie
 * 36) Hollywood Undead
 * 37) 10 years
 * 38) Puddle of Mudd
 * 39) Seether
 * 40) Arch Enemy
 * 41) Korn
 * 42) Papa Roach
 * 43) Green Day
 * 44) Himsa
 * 45) Jasta
 * 46) Mudvayne
 * 47) Metallica
 * 48) System of A Down
 * 49) Manntis
 * 50) Shadows Fall
 * 51) Creed
 * 52) Chevelle
 * MGK
 * 1) AC/DC
 * 2) Alice In Chains
 * 3) Avril Lavigne
 * 4) Attack Attack!
 * 5) Anthrax
 * 6) Billy Idol
 * 7) Buckcherry
 * 8) Jimmy Buffett
 * 9) Breaking Benjamin
 * 10) Brad Paisley
 * 11) Blue October
 * 12) Carrie Underwood
 * CCR
 * 1) John Cena
 * 2) The Charlie Daniels Band
 * 3) Chelsea Grin
 * 4) Crazy Town
 * 5) Pink
 * 6) Pink Floyd
 * 7) P.O.D.
 * 8) Plain White Tees
 * 9) Sick Puppies
 * 10) Sixx A.M.
 * 11) Sum 41
 * 12) SoiL
 * 13) The White Stripes
 * 14) ZZ Top
 * 15) Zac Brown Band
 * 16) Lady Antabelum
 * 17) BrokeNCYDE
 * 18) ShineDown
 * 19) Lana Del Rey
 * 20) Modern Day Escape

A story of sadness (not my story)
You’re sitting in your room ~ door locked ~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper infront of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter. You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t know where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody. It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all. No body cares, right?

Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know you can’t hear her she doesn’t know you’regone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes; calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right? 8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door it’s the school principle. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right?

Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone; forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model. She now starts to blame herself; why didn’t I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things; he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?

It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn’t slept for nights it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I right?

Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never. It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back but you don’t, and you won’t.

Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other day you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life.

Help
If you killed yourself how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable. If after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that can help you.

Band Quotes and Favorite Quotes
"If you can't hang then, there's the door, baby" - Sleeping With Sirens

"Wrists are for bracelets, not cutting" - Kellin Quinn

"We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak; And we will never rest, 'til we're all f***ing dead" - Bring Me The Horizon

"no one gets left behind" - Five Finger Death Punch

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." - Gandhi

"You only live once so just go f***ing nuts" - Suicide Silence

"With self-discipline most anything is possible." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The ego is not master in its own house." - Sigmund Freud

"Sadism is all right in its place, but it should be directed to proper ends." - Sigmund Freud

"Where id was, there ego shall be." - Sigmund Freud

"Yes, America is gigantic, but a gigantic mistake." - Sigmund Freud

"Who the f*** are you? who the f*** do you think you are?!" - Attila

"Be your own person because no one can ever take that away from you, no one. " - Austin Carlile

"Always borrow money from a pessimist, he wont expect it back" - Oscar Wilde

"I need your love like a boy needs his mothers side" - Of Mice & Men

"Truth be told I would set my whole world on fire just to watch it burn in your eyes" - Of Mice & Men

"All I Want is a place to call my own" - A Day To Remember

"Seconds from the end, whats it gunna be? pull the trigger b***h! Youre a f***ing Disgrace!" - Suicide Silence

"Dont be fooled i was raised by the wolves, now the moon hangs in full, so you know i wont play by the rules" - Falling In Reverse

"I hate this town, it's so washed up And all my friends don't give a f*** They'll tell me that it's just bad luck When will I find where I fit in?" - ADTR

"Keep your hopes up high and your head down low." -  ADTR

"The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time" - Bertrand Russell

"By far the best proof is experience" - Francis Bacon

"ENGLISH MOTHERF***ER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" - Pulp Fiction

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

"He who stands with me shall be my brother, she who stands with me shall be my sister." - Warhammer 40,000 and Shotgun

"Make You Moan Mondays, Two In The Hole Tuesdays, Wet Your Bed Wednesdays, Thumpin' Thursdays, Fap Fest Fridays, Sit On It Saturdays, and Sucky Sucky Sunday!!!" - Spartacus0898

"My love for you was bulletproof but youre the one who shot me." - Pierce The Veil

"May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't." - General George S. Patton, United States Army

"The words "I care" do not apply. - Ego sum Tacita esse dux captus

"I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get, the lower I'll sink. I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim." - Bring Me The Horizon

"Can you feel my heart?" - Bring Me The Horizon

"No one wants to hear you (save your breath). No one wants to see you! So desperate and pathetic! You think that no one sees this, I think it's time you knew the truth!" - Bring Me The Horizon

"We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak. No we will never rest, 'til we're all f***ing dead" - Bring Me The Horizon

Words I refuse to believe

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