Fanon:The Bains

The Bains is a fanon series created by Carman39. It follows the life of Shalonda Bain, Connor Bain and Samara Bain

Episode 1: It's Goin' Down, I'm Yellin' Cheater!
Shalonda: So everybody! Do you like the new house?

Connor: I love it, how bout you Samara?

Samara: ...

Connor: Samara?

Samara: ...

Connor: SAMARA!!!

Samara: WHAT?!

Connor: DO YOU LIKE THE NEW HOUSE?! YES OR NOOOOO!!!!

Samara: ... (quietly) I dunno

Connor: (facepalm)

Samara: (walks away to sit and listen to Skrillex in the treehouse)

Connor: What went wrong? She has black and red hair, wears black makeup and listens to music called "dubstep" that sounds like rocks in a blender that's being blended by a giant blender in another giant blender with giant rocks in!

Shalonda: Connor it's probably just a phase (kisses him) nothing went wrong.

Connor: Honey, the midwife died two days after her birth, that can't be a coincedince!

Shalonda: The midwife had a heart condition! Samara had nothing to do with it! She was two days old! Now shut up!

Connor: There is only one way to end this...

Shalonda: Makeup WooHoo on our new bed

Connor: Yep

Shalonda:...uh...well...i'll go brush my teeth first

Connor: or we could just go to the shower or our horse's haystack

Shalonda: Eh..you choose

Connor:... Shower

(meanwhile in the treehouse)

Samara: (listens to Skrillex's EP) CALL 911 NOW! BRRRR DRRRR DRR DRRR DRR BRRR DRRRR BRR BRR BRR BRR

Random old lady walking past: Shut up you crazy emo hussy!

Samara: WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO SOME SKRILLEX!

Random lady: (mumbling) stupid emo dubstep freak!

Samara: (unplugs iPod and puts it out the treehouse window for the lady to hear)

iPod: CALL 911 NOW! (dubstep beat)

Lady: DEVIL MUSIC! GIRL YOU NEED JESUS!

Samara: I'm bored, im gonna put fake blood on my wrists and trick people on Chat Simlette that i cut myself. When i'm 16 i'll do it for real!

(A few hours later)

Shalonda: I'm going out to the club

Connor: Oh i'm coming too

Shalonda: No...uh...you stay with Samara and keep her out of trouble...

Samara: (walks in) Mom where do you keep your red lipstick, i'm out of fake blood

Shalonda: It's in my purse sweetie

Connor: Ok...have fun

Connor: (thinking) What could she be doing?

Shalonda: He'll never know...

(at The Brightmore)

Thornton Wolff: Hi...you called

Shalonda: Yeah...you were the only person who would do this, Lisa Bunch and your wife didn't want to

Thornton: Are you sure your husband won't arrive

Shalonda: Unless he is willing to take my 11 year old emo daughter who tricks people into thinking she cuts herself then no.

Thornton: Just get us past the bouncer and into the hot tub.

Shalonda: (goes up to bouncer) Shalonda Bain plus 1.

Bouncer: Go right in

Shalonda: (gets in to hot tub with Thornton and they make out) Oh yeah. I'M A CHEATER AND I LIKE IT!

Thornton: (while making out with Shalonda) So married for 11 years, must be good to see other guys without losing your husband right?

Shalonda: Tell me about it, same with You and Morgana

Thornton: Yep, 12 years. You said you tried to get her in the hot tub with you?

Shalonda: I don't care if i woohoo with girls or boys just as long as I get at least woohooed by a different person a week.

Thornton: Wanna...Go further

Shalonda: Ok (WooHooes with Thornton)

(meanwhile)

Connor: Samara what's with the chicken in between your legs?

Samara: Well uh

Person on Chat Simlette: Wait that's a chicken? I thought it was your....

Samara: (closes laptop) Heh heh

Connor: Samara?

Samara: Yeah

Connor: GROW UP AND LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC!!!

Samara: (swears angrily)

Connor: YOU ARE GROUNDED, NO MORE LAPTOP OR SKRILLEX FOR YOU!!!

Shalonda: (comes in) Connor don't ground her, she's just having some fun!

Connor: Oh you're back

Shalonda, yeah

Connor: Why do you smell of hot tub water and look like someone just drowned you.

Shalonda: Uh...no reason, Goodnight! (goes to bed)

Connor: (thinking) I'll never understand women!