Fanon:The Diner Guy

The Diner Guy is a fan-fiction created by some random guy with nothing to do. It is a comedy which will (hopefully) keep you laughing for a while.

Characters

 * Lucas - the main character. He is a lazy and clumsy chef at the diner.
 * Lauren - a waitress and Lucas' love interest.
 * Jose - the owner of the diner and Lucas' manager.
 * Charlie Sheen - a customer.
 * Ronald McDonald - business competitor.
 * Immam - a fellow chef, who is seen as a rival to Lucas.
 * Lion Fabrics - a golfer (based on Tiger Woods) who is the main antagonist.

Chapter I: Job Application
my name is lucas

'''i is looking for a job to earn cash to pay my mortgage.

i worked at a bar local school where i was very nasty nice to customers students

i cook nothing

i just need a job

plz give me the job!!!1111!!

That was the the application that Lucas sent in to the Diner. In reaction to this, Jose said, "Well, at least it is better than the one from that guy who claimed to be a zombie..."

It read, " give me the job or ill  eat your brains  please reply soon  TROLOLOLO "

Jose grabbed the telephone and phoned Lucas. Lucas picked up the phone and greeted Jose with, "WHAT DO YOU WANT? I have a hangover, I can't seem to understand where this woman in my house came from, I need a bath, I puked everywhere and I really don't know what is going on right now! I would be forever greatful if you told me what it was you wanted because if you don't have a reason then get lost!" After hearing that greeting, Jose replied, "Amigo, you cook, yes? You have a job at the diner! Show up at 10am tomorrow and please no alcohol consumption tonight, it makes it hard for anyone to enjoy their food!" Jose hung up the phone and Lucas celebrated with, "AWWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Chapter II: The First Day
The next day, Lucas' alarm went off at 11am, one hour later than it was meant to. He went into his kitchen for some coffee. He had filled the coffee mug with a liquid and he drank it. As he drank the liquid, his mouth burned. He realised that he was out of coffee and he was drinking boiling hot water. "OH MY GOD! THIS IS SO UNREAL! OH MY GOD! MY PLUMBBOB HAS TURNED RED! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! I AM CALLING IN SICK!" shouted Lucas in agony.

"No amigo, I will not ask a Servo to do your job for you! Get to work and stop wasting my time!" shouted Jose down the phone as Lucas phoned in sick. "This guy is ruining business! I miss the days I sold hot dogs at Goth Manor only to be spooked!"

Lucas didn't eat breakfast. He didn't go for a bath or a shower either. He just got in a taxi and made his way to the diner. "Diner please bro!" Lucas said to the driver. As he was driving through Sunset Valley, the taxi driver noticed a foul stench. "You sure you don't want to go to the Gym instead? They have free showers!" said the driver. Lucas replied, "Nice one loser, please do what I'm paying you for...PLEASE!"

"§50 please" asked the driver. "Send the bill to Malcolm Landgraab if you want anything, he's rich!" replied Lucas. As Lucas walked through the door of the diner, Jose said, "A hobo is here for food? HAHAHA that is a classic one amigo!" Lucas looked at Jose and replied, "You're that guy who told me I'm a waste of time!" Jose looked shocked and replied, "No, I said you're wasting my time! Let's just take a look around!"

"This is Lauren, she is our waiter and the best at that!" said Jose. Lucas looked at Lauren and immediately fell in love. "Nice to...meet you!" Lucas said to Lauren. After witnessing his foul stench, Lauren replied, "Yeah...you too!" Jose then introduced Lucas to Immam. "Ohai dur Immam, you cook food?" asked Lucas. Immam was instantly offended by Lucas' presence. "I'll leave you amigos to it! I'll give you your uniform later and please, take a wash!" said Jose.

After first meeting Lucas, Immam said, "Listen, I have worked here for 10 years now, noone will outclass me! I am the best. Just because I'm not from Sunset Valley doesn't mean I can't cook. I was awarded the best chef award every year for the past 7 years. I know how to do my job, I don't need users like you to tell me. Understand comrade?" Lucas then gave Immam a blank look and replied, "Your shirt is untucked." Imman then stared at Lucas with hate and Lucas then walked away and said, "We should be friends, we'll pwn the noobs on Call of Duty....maybe I should just go."

As Lucas walked out of the room, Immam said to himself, "Life gets harder as of today..."

Chapter III: First Lesson
The next day, Lucas did go to work but without the foul stench. "Okay guys, we need two burgers and drinks to go!" requsted Lauren. "Oh my god...I can't believe it. I FINALLY HAVE AN ORDER! MY MOM WOULD BE SO PROUD!" said Lucas. Lauren replied, "Okay then..."

"Immam my brother, lets do this thing! I'll take it from here!" said Lucas. Immam replied, "Not so fast...your job application said "i cook nothing", Jose tells me these things, I am his most trusted employee. There is a method for cooking burgers, I'll do one to show you!" Immam went to get the burger ready to cook. "First you put the beef on the grill and then...WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" shouted Immam. Lucas had already compiled together a burger. Immam snatches the burger from Lucas and takes it apart to observe it.

"Hah! Did you really think I was stupid? You're meant to put the secret sauce UNDER the beef, not on top of it!" said Immam. "What does it matter? It'll taste the same!" replied Lucas. "It's not a secret anymore, someone can see the sauce and it's all your fault!" shouted Immam. Lucas took the burger back and took Immam's prepared burger too and gave them both to Lauren. Lauren gave the two burgers to Charlie Sheen, an actor who is eating in the diner.

"Hmm, the one with the sauce underneath the beef tastes great but the other one tastes like my last TV show to be cancelled. Next time I come here, I want better service!" said Sheen. Sheen then called Lauren over and gave her the money. "Here is a tip for you beautiful, want to come with me?" asked Sheen. Lauren had a look of disgust on her face and replied, "Me and...YOU? I'd rather date that new guy who can't find the shower...or a sense of hygiene."

While Lucas is on his break, Immam goes to Jose's office and says, "Are you stupid? Putting me with that guy will make us go out of business!" Jose laughed and replied, "If it wasn't him, it would be a drunken mess who is as wild as the Energizer bunny." Immam looked unimpressed and replied, "He is a drunken mess...or he was yesterday. Today, he is incompetant!" Jose laughed again and replied, "Then you see we have him, only him. Face it amigo, he could become something special, given the right time..."

As the evening draws to a close and the staff are about to go home, Lucas goes to Lauren to speak to her. "Hey there, how old are you?" asked Lucas. Lauren replied, "I'm only 19 and I guess you're like...young-ish?" Lucas looked surprised and he told Lauren that he was also 19. As they walked the streets of Sunset Valley, they spoke of their life experiences and things they liked.

"Y'know, I thought you were a jerk yesterday but you actually seem to be a really nice guy. Anyway, this is my house. I'll see you tomorrow." said Lauren. Lucas walked the rest of the length to his house, after arguing with the taxi company regarding a young Malcolm being forced to pay a bill, with a smile on his face, knowing that he met someone at work who he could relate to.

Chapter IV: You failed at that, but can you deliver?
A few days had passed since Lucas started working at the diner. Whether it was clogging up a toilet, burning food or one weird case of a Coca-Cola being swapped for alcohol, leaving Dr. Will Wright to fix game code surgical equipment to save lives. Jose didn't seem to care what Lucas did, Lauren was a good friend to Lucas and Immam had almost had enough, but he had one thing which he thought Lucas couldn't mess up...

"Yo, idiot! I have a new job for you! Take my car and deliver this pizza to 330 Oak Grove Road. Please, do not mess this up, I need to pay for insurance. Now get outta here!" commanded Immam. Lucas got into the car, turned the volume up and played the loudest music anyone could hear, even the Police didn't seem to care. "330 Oak Grove Road...gotta remember that." thought Lucas, as he really didn't want to get everything wrong.

Lucas arrived at 330 Oak Grove Road and knocked on the door. A young teenager answered the door. "Okay, here is your goddamn pizza that you made me come all this way to deliver and I do not appreciate it as it is a waste of my time and I could be getting drunk and trying to ask out a girl right now but instead I'm delivering to you. That will be §10 plus a §150,000 tip." moaned Lucas. The girl gave Lucas a negative look and replied, "I didn't order that and if you ever come back here with that attitude again, I'll ask my mom to complain to Immam about you!" The girl slammed the door in Lucas' face.

Lucas speeded through Sunset Valley with rage, knowing that Immam had tricked him just so he would go away. "I'll show him who he is messing with. Once I'm done, he'll be begging for me to not complain about him to Jose. Yes, that's right! I am Lucas and I..." As he was speaking to himself, Lucas was speeding the streets so fast that he had hit another veichle at an alarming speed...

Back at the diner, Immam was laughing so hard that he couldn't control himself as Lucas was pranked. Lauren walked over and asked, "What's so funny?" Immam looked shocked and replied, "Funny...uh let's see...a dog barked at me and then ran away." Lauren gave Immam a blank look, remained silent and walked away.

"Oh my god! My car! Jeez Louise, look where you're going!" complained the owner of a sports car. Lucas, who was very much alive, and still stupid for that matter replied, "You can blame Immam for this, he pranked me and I almost lost my life for it! Seriously, he is corrupted, he has nothing decent to work for! He is holding me back! I don't care what Charlie Sheen thinks, Lauren thinks I'm doing good and I'll do what I want and I will tell that to Immam!" The car owner, who was worried about his veichle replied, "Good luck, even though I don't know a single word you're saying! He better pay for this car..."

Chapter V: The Run
"You sure you don't need to go to the hospital, bro?" asked the car owner. Lucas said no and ran back to the diner to confront Immam. As he ran, he felt thirsty and decided to stop in McDonald's for a drink.

"How may I serve you?" asked a mysterious voice. The clerk had his back turned to Lucas. "I'll just have a regular Coca-Cola please." replied Lucas. The clerk then replied, "No you won't!" Lucas had questioned the clerk's behavior. "No I won't? Who are you?"

"You were just in a crash weren't you, after you had to deliver a pizza, correct?" asked the clerk. Lucas nodded. The clerk then turned around and revealed himself to be Ronald McDonald. "Is it because I scare children at parties I throw for them? No. You argued non-stop with Immam and I just wanted to stir things up! You know we're business rivals, that's why I tried to kill you!" said Ronald. Lucas sprinted out of the McDonald's, only to slip in a puddle and fall to the ground. "You'll be back! See you when I ruin your restaurant!" shouted Ronald.

"Immam! Why did you give me a pizza from Ronald McDonald?" asked Lucas. Immam looked confused and replied, "Oh come on you incompetant loser, he shapeshifts for parties. We don't even sell pizza here! Burgers and kebabs, yes but no pizza!" replied Immam. Lucas then felt relieved and said, "That explains why yo-I mean he was so nice to me, eh?" Immam then looked at Lucas with hatred and walked off.

Lucas then sat in the toilet thinking about everything. "If it wasn't his car or his pizza and it was Ronald's then...oh my god, this makes no sense!" said Lucas loudly to himself, so loud that Jose walked in and said, "Shut up already amigo, some of us are trying to watch Sim Idol...NOW I MISSED WHAT SIMON COWELL SAID AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Lucas then sat there laughing at Jose as he had walked out of the room.

Chapter VI: Don't Stop the Party
"The fries are meant to be cooked for five minutes, not two! Sometimes, you are very stupid!" moaned Immam. Lucas had become annoyed with Immam and his attempts to overshadow Lucas. "If you would just let me do what I want to do, you'll find that I'll do well enough. I am not bouncing around like the energizer bunny and I don't pop in and out all the time like Melvin does. That means I can't learn to do something immediately, you give me no room to grow and I have had enough. I can do what I want, even if it is party all night long!" argued Lucas. Lucas then stormed back home.

"The burger is undercooked, the floor is dirty, the sauce is in the wrong place! I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT HE THINKS!" shouted Lucas as he stormed into his home. Lucas then turned on some music and danced the night away. He invited some friends around his home as well as eating a pizza that wasn't made by Ronald McDonald and drinking non-stop. The Sunset Valley police were too busy raiding a warehouse to even care about Lucas' party.

"So yes Lion, you will be playing at the PGA tour this year! I will support you!" said Charlie Sheen. Lion Fabrics, a professional golfer replied, "What is that noise? I wanna check it out! Forget golf, I'm going to do some partying tonight because we might not get tomorrow! But you're not allowed, your restraining order with Warner Bros. stops you from doing that! HAHA I have a Platinum mood and a silver Plumbbob, you have red! How do you feel?" Charlie Sheen looked guilty and replied, "At least I'm not an idiot like you!"

As Lucas' party went on, there was a knock on the door. Lucas opened the door and Lion came in and shouted, "LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE!" Everyone partied like there would be no tomorrow. "So, what brings you to Sunset Valley?" asked Lucas. Lion looked at Lucas and replied, "I want to award the greatest chef at Hogan's Deep-Fried Diner for making a 5-course meal. They will win big..."

Chapter VII: Heat
The next morning, Lucas walked into the diner. He had stormed into the break room, where Lauren, Jose and Immam weere drinking coffee. He shouted, "HAI GUISE, LION FABRICS IS COMING HERE FOR A FIVE COURSE MEAL! HE WANTS TO SEE WHO CAN DO IT THE BEST!" Everyone looked confused about what Lucas said. Immam replied, "Like we'll listen to you. Did you not go to high school after elementary because you sure sound like it." Feeling irritated by Immam's comment, Lucas reacted, "Actually, there is only one school in Sunset Valley and it covers all age groups! Now learn your facts and...y'know what, I can't be bothered with this! To hell with you guys, I'm going home!"

As Lucas was about to leave the diner, the mailman turned up and gave Lucas a letter. "Nice try amigo, you know I'm meant to collect mail. Hand it over before I deep-fry your cell phone and say a dog did it!" said Jose. Jose opened the envelope and read, "From the pen of Lion Fabrics...holy fajita, Lucas was right...this man is coming here!" Immam, Lauren and Lucas both ran towards Jose as he read the rest of the letter.

"Dear Owner of Hogan's Deep-Fried Diner,

I have heard great things about your establishment and I would like a five-course meal from your menu. I trust that you have highly trained staff working for you and I guarantee they'll do well.

However, I have researched your establishment. You have two chefs, Lucas and Immam. They both need to cook the five-course meal and the one which tastes the best will have their chef awarded with §10,000,000, but the loser will go to jail for a bank robbery I commited. The sentence is 40 years.

I look forward to eating here next Monday.

Sincerely,

Lion Fabrics

Golfer"

Immam walked back into the kitchen, lauging so hard. "Just to think, my parents will be proud I am rich while that sucker is in jail. The heat is on!" Immam said to himself as he danced around the kitchen with joy, only to knock a box of ketchup off of the shelve. As it touched the floor, Jose shouted, "I heard that! You'll pay for it amigo!"

Lucas went to walk out the door. Lauren had walked out with him and said, "Lucas, you do plan to win, right?" Lucas looked Lauren in the eye and replied, "I have to give it everything, Immam is a great chef but he always puts me down. Is it because of my party lifestyle? Is it because I'm new? I don't know but wherever I am, he always peeks in and peeks out again!" Lauren held Lucas' hand and said, "I've heard the customers compliment your food. They seem to like having the secret sauce on top of the meat. I know you'll do fine, I want you to win!" Lucas smiled at Lauren and Lauren smiled back. As Lauren walked back into the restaurant, Lucas decided to walk home.

As Lucas arrived back home, he opened the door to find a business card on the floor. It read, "You have just had your party improved RUNINED by Ronald McDonald!" On the back of the card, Ronald wrote, "Enjoy going to jail, you hopeless loser!" Lucas then looked disgusted at the card and commented, "What a freak!"