Fanon:Time Paradox/Laconic

Once, there were the Alkmaionidai who turtled up and made little contact with the locals. Then came the Attalids, who were much more active than the Alkmaionidai, much more lively. Inside the party-loving mix was not-so-party-loving Stratonike, who was a Simbot fan and wanted to make one. Then came the Beauty 4, with conflicting goals, much more diverse than the largely unified Attalids. Kallisto, who will later establish the main faction later on, makes big friends with Stratonike, even though the Attalids and the Beauty 4 were good friends to begin with. Later on, Beauty 4 visits Bridgeport and they are spurned despite them being much more skilled in general, but in turn spreads the celebrity culture to the suburban Sunset Valley. Then Hypatia comes in, hijacks Beauty 4, and goes wololo on Stratonike and establishes the first academic conglomerate, the Scholars' Alliance. However, all goes well until they are swept into a new timeline, where Christopher Steel comes and screws things up for the Alliance while the Alkmaionids once again pave themselves in, this time with a little guest named Lysistrata. Kallisto and Stratonike believes romance is screwing things up, and decides to GTHO and make the Union of the Insane that eventually becomes the framework for the Church. With that, Scholars Alliance is severely weakened, and the conflict between Demetria and Hypatia caused by Christopher's Don Lothario move eventually drives Hypatia out when Kallisto invites Hypatia in. Then things seem to turn for the better, as they go into a state of perpetual academic olympics, until Kallistrata moves in, when things go awry again, and Lysistrata and Stratonike goes screw this and temporarily separate, and Kallistrata, Hypatia and Kallisto (and Eurydike) goes around reforming things and making a religion that villifies the thing that drove the organization to the ground. But then Kallisto gets bombarded with meaningless rumors, forcing Kallisto to turn political, partying hardcore (at least, hosting them) and building an amphitheatron just to keep people entertained, while engaging in the policy of Détente, eventually getting Lysistrata and Stratonike to rejoin. To separate them from love interests, Kallisto decides to GTHO of Sunset Valley, creating Hekatonschoinos just for that purpose. However, things are slow around there, although Kallisto got to do crazy experiments there. Having made such progress, Kallisto turns to the "traitor" Antigone, training Tessa to serve as a spy, although Tessa (alongside her sister Nicole and cousin Rachel) was a better guinea pig than a spy, all while training anime characters disciples Chrysanthema, Esomena, and Pyrrha to be the successors, even though they were immortal to begin with anyways. After all the ruckus, things go well for the Church: Antigone (and Achaia) gets screwed, Eurydike and Hypatia go necromancers, and Chrysanthema joins the big guys. And then Esomena goes heretic, Kallisto quickly corrects that, and Stratonike makes the thing smooth. And soon Kallisto decided to reclaim her old world, and through that process set up a state with which to launch a great crusade bent on stomping out the things that pissed off Kallisto. Unfortunately for her buddy Demetria and her clone gone bad Antigone, Bridgeport was one of the primary targets, and subjected to mind-guided rods of God. Having seen things blown to the smithereens (and for Matthew Hamming, his tub), angry celebrities ended up forming the Council of Bridgeport trying to do something (even though all they got is fame and money) to stop Kallisto's aggression. Meanwhile Kallisto has a greater fish to fry, making the final step towards integrating the second and the third timeline, leaving Kallistrata in charge of the project the Astronomican Chrononomion all while having Kallistrata and Stratonike establish colonies around the world, all while Isis and her bud Akio spies on them.

Basically life sucks, there is only war and you are probably going to get either snuffed out by Rods of God, eaten by vampires, steamrolled by Kallisto's Simbots.